Jolanda

Occupation: entrepreneur

Country: Italy

In my past I had 20 years history of psychiatric problems, depression especially. Even if I reached some balance, I was not really satisfied. Doctors used to tell me I needed to assume chemical medicines to maintain my balance. I started to feel my body full of pollution.

I’m 35 years old. When I was younger, I always thought about life and made too many questions. I couldn’t accept the contradictions inside and outside of me. I didn’t know much about spirituality, but I was trying every time to investigate my sensations and feelings. Doctors helped me by psychotherapy and I thought it was only way to understand myself. In 2007 I decided to start again my inner search.

I began to read the books and learn meditation and yoga techniques. So I started to observe everything from a new view. I’m not my mind, I’m a soul, I observe my mind as a witness. So I began trying to slow down gently and tried every day to look for silence and feel the fullness of emptiness. I finally gave a rest to my stressed mind and to my weak body.

Some months later I met Edmunds, he invited me to experience Ayahuasca. It wasn’t easy for me to decide to go inside this path. Finally I consulted my doctor and we decided trying to slowly suspend my chemical therapy and start cleaning my blood and liver by Amazon sacred plants. I was fearful and had many doubts. In March 2009 I went to Peru.

First I went into the jungle to Iquitos and Puerto Maldonado and then to Sacred Valley. At the end we went to Marca Wasi. Edmunds was a great company and guide … and brother. It was everything better then I hoped. I discovered in me a new strength and courage. A confidence sensation followed me during the whole trip. I realized something very deep, not just by my mind but especially by the opened heart. I received the sweet sensation to be included and hug by my Mother Earth like taking part to an harmonic dance, altogether with beautiful persons, animals and plants around us.

I started to look at the sky, trusting and opening a new channel. It was like I met my parents again and slowly I gave up the idea to have been neglect because of some heavy guilt.

I realized that in my life I was moved by false images created by my mind and education. Mother Ayahuasca helped me to keep my eyes on these illusions, but showed me how they dissolve if I don’t follow them as if they were me. Just standing in front of them without judgement or identification. I felt I can support and give help, because I’m not alone, to the deep pain of human condition. In every Ayahuasca session I saw growing in me the strong patience and compassion.

I realized that I don’t have to reject what is different from me or what should be different, just let it be, as I am, and step by step let my soul surrender and rise, as a winner, to the power of love instead of fear.

The music, mantras, medicine songs and the voice of Edmunds helped me a lot to jump in this freedom and I saw something in me waking up, letting me make the choice to sing with the Universe. I watched finally the deep wound and I understood that I can support everything if I know and remember who I am and if I trust in myself as one with the all, the beauty and the power I see outside are also in me.

I learned to feel energy flowing through me and to realize when some stone obstructs the water of the river. I created and substituted new mind habits to be aware and always full of gratitude for every little present I receive.

When I came back from Peru, I felt something different in me and in my behaviour and I received the best confirmation from my friends and my family telling me that they have never seen me so quiet and peaceful, present, lovely and good looking. I can see them as a mirror, they are really surprised. My body also changed a lot and I feel lighter and full of health now. I stopped to assume drugs 5 month ago and my doctor was so happy to tell me that I don’t need her anymore.

Everything changes in every moment,
we can not stop transformation,
but we can and we must feed the seed of our dignity
for having back our power
remembering every moment
we are precious diamonds
looking for our light home.